Skyla Picon-Rivera

20 YEARS OLD, DAUGHTER OF PUERTO RICO.

Growing Up

I have one younger brother, Andrew, who’s 16 years old. Most of my life revolves around him – caregiving, driving, and picking him up from school or lacrosse practice. I’m practically his second mom; I take care of him when my mom can’t. I can’t really place when I started to take care of him – maybe single-digit numbers? 8 or 9, if I had to guess? I feel like I shouldn’t have been doing that when I was that young. When I was a teenager, yes, but not while I was still a kid myself.

I clean the house, keep up with those chores, and even started helping with paying bills at a young age. Taking care of my mother, going to her doctor’s appointments with her, following her schedule, and keeping up with her health. 

I feel like maybe there was a reason why my parents were really strict with me when I was younger, to maybe prepare me for how I am today and how I handle certain situations in my day-to-day life. But do I think that I deserved to be treated or deserved to take a big responsibility at a young age? No. I don’t think that I should have done most of the stuff that I did, but in that moment, I did because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t. I was too young to understand.

I always had a motherly feeling, not only with my brother. I’m always there, I’m a person kids are comfortable with and look for, and I always find myself with a bunch of little kids around me at parties. 

Culture feels like a big thing. A lot of Latin households put their older kids in charge of the younger ones. Gender, maybe too, because I’m the oldest and I’m a girl. My older boy cousin was never ‘in charge’ of the kids; it was always my older girl cousin and me. I always thought it was because I’m the firstborn, I’m a girl, and not my mom’s baby boy. 

When I become a mom, I don’t want to put any of the problems that I went through onto them, just because I know how it feels, I wouldn’t want my child to go through that. If I went through hell. Why would I want them to go through hell?

Health Challenges

My health was never perfect. I have hyperthyroidism, was born with one kidney, anemia, and had hip dysplasia. My main one, the biggest one, is my type 1 diabetes. I got my full thyroid taken out in early 2020. Going in and out of the hospital, seeing what the doctors do, it crossed my mind that I wanted to be a nurse. 

Going to my mom’s appointments with her opened up more places and more curiosity. I got to know these big medical words and what her conditions were. I kind of loved it, I loved that. I loved how they communicated. I loved the environment. I think that’s what kind of influenced me, other than having the fact that most of my family members are in the medical field and being influenced by them too.

Familial Expectations 

There are a few times when I feel a fear of failure. I don’t want my grandparents, my mother, and my brother to be disappointed in me. I feel like what I do in life affects them. It’s hard to constantly remind yourself that you have to put yourself first sometimes, and you can’t always be worrying about your other family members, because they’re gonna move on too.

It’s a constant worry every day, and it’s hard not to because that’s all you ever know to do. That’s all I ever grew up knowing to do is ask questions and watch out for your younger siblings. But it’s also a constant worry to know if you’re fulfilling their dreams, or if you’re making them proud, especially if they don’t say it.

The more you mature, the more you get older, the more expectations other family members have. You turn 20 and get all these questions. What are you gonna do? Where are you going to go? How are you going to pay for things — for your insurance, health care, everything? It does put like a weight on me. Family members, too, depending on how close I am with them, have extremely high expectations for me. It’s a big responsibility, and as the oldest, I want to make sure to complete it all to make them proud.

I would have liked to have more boundaries set for myself and others. I would have liked to have a way that I can express myself without feeling like I’m being in the wrong all the time. But that’s really hard, because everyone wishes to change something. 

Despite that, I feel pride in who I am. When I have a badge that has “Nurse Rivera,” it’s going to feel amazing. Especially being Latina, growing up in America right now. That’s a big statement.

This story has been edited and condensed from an interview.